Happy Friday to everyone! As the work week winds down, I’ve been doing some introspection and found that I might be a middle-aged woman/senior citizen stuck in a 20-something’s body.
What prompted this thought process was my usual anxiety over getting my Friday coffee at Starbucks. [Plug for Starbucks: I love getting my coffee there! I live off of iced coffee year round – I’ll address that neurosis another time – and Paleo eating kinda allows heavy cream for reasons that I am still unsure of, SO they are one of the only coffee places that I am aware of that offer heavy cream for coffee. Also the staff is awesome and really makes me feel like they care about what I am doing this weekend, which may or may not be true.]
Anyway, every Friday the barista asks me if I am doing something exciting this weekend and my answer is always something underwhelming like “laundry” or “washing my car.” I don’t know why I get so anxious about answering a simple question to someone who is probably just asking out of politeness [like how cashiers say “Hi, how are you?” and you just answer “good” or “fine” because it is a normalized social cue used to cut the awkwardness of the legal exchange of goods, not a genuine inquiry about how you are actually doing.] I imagine this barista asks this question of most, if not all, of her customers and probably gets answers much more exciting than my “laundry” and probably thinks I lead a pathetic and boring life.
I could just lie to her and say, “Oh, this weekend? I’m going spear fishing with the President of the United States, then cooking up our catch with Gordon Ramsey on his private jet, while flying to Tahiti for a late night Mai Tai on the beach.” I could do that, but I won’t. In any case, I concluded that my life is quite boring to the outsider, but only slightly less boring to me.
So here is a list of my interests and hobbies that might make me a middle-aged woman. I’ll let you decide.
- I love crocheting. I crochet all the time. I crochet to the point that I get horrible arm and shoulder pain from so much crocheting. My masseur actually yells at me when he touches my forearms because they are so tight. I’ve been crocheting for about 2 years and have only made scarves and blankets, but I have big dreams of making myself a pair of socks. Yes, you read that correctly. Because the weather is getting warmer, I have not been crocheting as much, but I assure you that I am actively thinking about what I will make for myself and others come autumn. Now, in my defense I started crocheting not to emulate grandmothers across America, but because of an article I read on lifehack called 42 Practical Ways to Improve Yourself [#3 – Pick up a new hobby]. Also, while crocheting is a stereotypical senior citizen/Little House on the Prairie hobby, I think anything DIY or homemade is making a comeback in a huge way. Look at all of the crocheted items offered on Etsy, Fab, Pinterest, and YouTube – it is obvious that more and more people are taking this opportunity to create their own clothing through crocheting.
Also, instructional videos and free pattern websites are run by both men and women creating a gender equalizing activity! So I am not just crocheting because I am really an old lady inside, but I am participating in a larger dialogue among men and women, young and old, about creating sustainable clothing and warmth in the even of a SHTF moment. Okay, maybe not, but that explanation is exceptionally impressive-sounding.
- I go to Friday night Bingo at the local church with all of the old ladies. Okay, I know that sounds bad, but is it really so much different than going to Atlantic City and gambling for a few hours? For the low price of $20-$30 you can have hours of fun dobbing off numbers with friends and/or family, win jackpots ranging from $100-$2000 [yes, really], laugh as the old people curse to themselves and at others, and partake in the mediocre spread of food provided by the lunch-lady window.
Not jumping out of your seats yet? Yeah, I don’t blame you but all I have to say is don’t knock it until you’ve tried it! 🙂 I started going last year after I covered a friend’s shift selling cards. I thought why not? I have just as good a chance as these oldies to win some money and so far I’ve won a whopping $34 from the raffle drawing. I know that’s not so impressive, but I am going tonight and I assure you that I am feeling particularly lucky today!
- This is probably one of my favorite songs EVER. Why? Louis Armstrong needs no explanation. Also, it is impossible not to imagine yourself being fancy in Paris while listening to it.
- Something’s Gotta Give is one of my favorite movies ever. The story of a successful, single, middle-aged woman who falls in love and realizes that it’s never too late to find the one. I’m a sucker for Diane Keaton, what can I say? This is also an excellent movie and I’ve seen it more than once. I was dying to see it in the theater but even my mother wasn’t interested in sitting though it. In any case, it’s a great movie and worth a watch. Yes, it’s about a retirement home in India. So?
- I really enjoy reading Dorothea Benton Frank books which also typically feature a single/widowed/divorced middle-aged woman going through some crisis which ultimately resolves itself through a romantic escapade or personal discovery about the importance of love, family, relationships, and/or friendship. Are you beginning to see a pattern here?
- I also love this song more than anyone should.
- And this song.
While it may not be a super-oldies song, I have a confession to make. Assuming reincarnation is completely true and real, I NEED to come back as a big fat black woman with an awesome voice like these bodacious ladies. Why fat and black? Because I think that adds to the awesomeness. Also I could have an afro and it will be amazing. [I do not want anyone to be offended by my strong desire to be reincarnated as a big black woman with a fantastic voice. It is my dream and you don’t have to like it. So there.] I also tend to have late night 70’s dance parties when I clean/put away laundry/partake in any activity really, because who needs permission to have a disco party?
- This is my idea of an ideal vacation.
Whilst others my age are pounding shots and going nuts, I prefer a nice quiet spot in the sun, preferably in water, where I can digest at least 3 books during my vacation. I think this just makes me more of a damn-kids-get-off-my-lawn curmudgeon [who knew that word has an actual proper spelling?] than an old lady. So take this one or leave it.
- I carry around a Centrum pill case with various pain/migraine relieving over the counter drugs with me at all times to avoid the impromptu ache or pain. I actually think this is perfectly normal. It’s my boyfriend who called me an old lady over this.
- I have cats. I love them and take lots of pictures of them and share them on the internet. I don’t think this is so bad since the internet is so cat-centric. I think this one actually normalizes me more than anything else. So there. Old cat ladies of the world rejoice for the internet has broken your isolation once and for all! Now you can sit at home, alone with your cats, and connect to others electronically. That, or continue your isolation and use the interwebs to look at more cute cats. That’s your prerogative.
Well, I think that might sum up my affinity for things normally associated with middle-aged/senior women. What do you think? Is my behavior that shocking? I don’t think so. I think I am perfectly interesting just the way I am and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Currently I’m grooving to Wild Cherry – Play that Funky Music because those videos really put me on a disco kick. So after all of this, I’ve decided that Starbuck’s Friday will still stress me out, but I can rejoice in the fact that I lead an awesomely interesting life – middle-aged-esque or not.